Welcome to the personal space for fluffykerfuffle who by the way does not endorse the look of pliny/barlesque... if you are seeing a tepid grayish teal page then that is pliny... however, i do heartily endorse the amazing work of our volunteers!
"Speak Truth to Power" - Quakers
"They say it is better to be poor and happy than rich and miserable,
but how about a compromise like moderately rich and just moody?" - Diana
"The last word has not been spoken." - Beah Richards
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's keyboard.
She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
a kerfuffle is a little disorderly outburst, tumult, commotion or fuss resulting in awkward dishevelment
For D. Adams: Report 1: The First 6 Weeks: It is very difficult here. Most of the lights have gone off and it is hard to see. I am writing this by candlelight... a friend managed to smuggle a candle ending into my space here so i do not have much time to write this. (the sound of a sputtering candle in the background) It is cold here and there is no privacy. I am trying to get this out to you while they are all asleep but i have found i am always being watched. So, as i said, it is difficult. So! Good news first. Guide entries are continuing to be written and edited... and some of them quite good. There seems however to be a dearth of the whimsy so evident whilst you were here. Too often the researchers, in an attempt at humor, tend towards the dark side... making jibes at people rather than ideas.... going for the cheap laugh. Sadly your subtlety, your style of friendly digs and gentle innuendo, your generosity of spirit, is not at all evident in some of these pieces. In the conversation realm? Well, it is difficult to participate in a discussion about serious things without someone interjecting hostile enflaming remarks, rude insults couched in polite phraseology, or subtle little jokey snipes at the irish or the french or the americans (haha they even use code words when referring to these people or reverse the players in a joke, knowing their friends-in-the-know will transpose them back ) ...and i am being generous in this description. I myself have experienced outright insults from some of them! Now, the light-hearted chitchat conversations can be quite fun... tho i must confess, since i was only uploaded with american info, that i dont 'get' alot of it. But, when the convo is not uk-centric, i have gotten along quite well and have had some fun. However, it is in the chitchatty conversations that i encountered the racial epithets... spoken in front of h2g2 crew even! That is most upsetting to me. They seem to have a good self moderation system going to catch that... the only drawbacks being that it is not explained very well to newbies... and, as i intimated, is not used amongst friends. i really think there is a conflict of interest involved here and that there should be at least one moderator cruising the conversations checking things out. Of course, the BBC, who are in charge of the place, are not supporting it as they should be and so there is not enuf paid help. I know i disagreed with you at first, Douglas, that i should come on here as an american but i guess i see the wisdom in it now... i so wanted to be the 'brit' because i so enjoy the british way of speaking :D i can hardly wait to get back home so i can find out how the 'brit', whom you sent ahead of me, fared. But it is advantageous for me to experience the mood here as an american. Many say that they agree that there is american bashing and some say that they do not see it... but when you are the brunt of it it is easy to perceive. I think more would come forward and admit negative things they have witnessed or experienced but are reluctant to because there is no privacy here. Retribution is brutal here... there are loquacious 'gangs' roaming the threads looking for the weak or unpopular to prey upon. I guess i am into the bad news part of the report now aren't i. Do you remember that game we played on molten mag so many years ago? ifirantheworld? yeah... some of the stuff was pretty funny. I started that up here thinking it would be a great ice breaker and thing to share with the community. Didn't go over very well... actually generated some hostility. I haven't, up to this point, been able to figure out why... and then... just now.... aha! Brits perceive, and rightly so, that the people in control of the United States government want to take over the world. Sooo, i think they, or at least this one person in particular, subconsciously connected up ifirantheworld with the american agenda.... when really all it is, as you know, is a fun exercise in wishful thinking. (laughing) I am particularly fond of your silly offering way back then. Some think i am expecting too much. Even tho the site is better than most BBs it still needs to have better control over the prejudice, meanness, and racist stuff. Someone called it jingoism... i think that's a good term for it. Sorry i am that it has come to this...i wish i could give you a better report... sigh... i know both of us had higher hopes for this place. As per your instructions i am putting this report in the code of the american thing... keeping the appearance of text when it really is guideML heh heh very clever of you. End of Report 1 Addendum to Report 1: 5 days Later: Okay, i received your note and am taking the advice. Yes, your brit agent is right; i am pushing myself too hard. And so, as per your latest instructions, i am staying away from the more volatile threads and seeking out those that most emulate the early years. Thank you. I forgot, in my chagrin, to play. I am now taking all this to heart and am trying to follow your lead of that generosity of spirit of yours and your childlike delight in things worthy of wonder. I am still awaiting your suggestions for entry subjects worthy of the edited guide. End of Addendum to Report 1 Report 2: the last 6 weeks: sept 3 i had to move this archive here to the personal space entry because of cleanup before leaving the mission site. i think this place will survive if the regulars can find a way to truely welcome people and control the ethnic slurs. Besides the blatant slurs, i find the ones couched in british politeness to be the most diabolical and discouraging. Truely verifying that Britain's worst personality trait IS arrogance! During this mission i fear i have made a very bad showing of it but i guess that is what you wanted... to see how the site would react. i certainly have learned a lot about myself which i will be glad to share, if you wish, in the debriefing. i made an apology for my exit message in the visible part of this entry... its funny how it didnt all become clear until after the die was cast (deleting of my journal and converstations) i do know this place needs more funding and more respect from the BBC... but if its not forthcoming, i feel sure the hitchhikers will find a way to continue it :) But, again, it will not become a world phenomenon until the British learn to welcome everyone into the community. That is my opinion from the inside. :D Over and out... fluffykerfuffle who is now sweeping up and putting dust covers over the few remaining pieces of furniture (messages) End of Report 2 Addendum to report 2 as per Douglas' request: the missing middle two weeks These two weeks were the pivotal climactical ones... during this time i had the highest of highs, the most relevant successes, and the lowest of lows, the most poignant discouragements. Small wonder i was yo-yoing back and forth between becoming totally immersed in the community and wanting to flee screaming. During this time i was attacked twice in my personal space, left, returned, gained friends, was taken down by a mover and shaker for being righteously angry at ethnic slurs aimed at my nationality, confronted the towers with my grievances, created some great stuff, lost friends to misunderstandings, left and returned again to try again. Amazingly enuf my birthday fell right in the middle of this most tumultuous period. Before the two weeks i was falling and getting back up again, believing things would get better... after the two weeks, when i fell it became harder and harder to get back up again...harder to believe things would improve. i started pretending i wasnt falling. If i had had a good talk at the end of those two weks with some strong folks on the site concerning all this stuff i believe it could have been solved and the downhill plunge to today would not have happened and i would still be here. but i felt i didnt know anyone whom i could trust to understand. I hadnt given up...i just didnt know it was over. So, Douglas, for what its worth, theres my report on the missing two weeks... i can see now why i conveniently 'forgot' them... that was the period of lost opportunity. APPENDIX: THESE ARE JOURNAL ENTRIES I WAS AFRAID TO POST BECAUSE I DIDNT FEEL SAFE ENUF TO SHARE THEM, CONFIDENT ENUF THAT THEY WOULDNT CAUSE MORE TROUBLE FOR ME. i value them and that is why i am putting them here... in the hopes that someday someone will find them and find value in them too. Let me say that i am in counselling and this stuff is kinda the darkest before the dawn. i might sneak in once in awhile and put a cupla more in from time to time. BIRTHDAY PARTY ive never had a birthday party... and i am almost 50 as a kid, sure, cake, ice cream and i got to choose them and also our meals for the day... and of course my family gave me presents and were nice to me... and sang happy birthday... and let me do what i wanted... BUT no party with invited guests. and no school parties either, my birthday is in the summer. and since then, still, no party with invited guests where every person attending would hand me a present as they hugged me and told me how glad they were that i was born. should my present personal goal be to have friends who will want to do this for me? celebrate my presence? i think so. its not that i am an unlikeable person... its that i don't make friends, close friends, easily. i think thats the reason, anyway. and even tho i have had 4 proposals of marraige, not one of them chose me to be their life long mate. 3 were proposals of honor, from friends, to save my reputation when i became pregnant. Later, 1 was from the man i married, whose children i bore, but he told me since that he didnt think he ever loved me (that way) i am loved by my family: my children, my sister and some of my relatives. But no one has CHOSEN me. now i am not saying this is my FAULT, but i think my tendency to shy away from closeness has contributed to it. (smiley) i believe the only persons whom i have allowed in are my children. and they surely are the only ones who have ever understood me. and really i am fortunate to have that... but... still... i would like to have completed this life with the victory of being able to confide and be confided in, know and be known, be one with, one person, who, has, chosen, me. and i think i have to achieve the friends first who would throw me a birthday party before i will be able to chose and be chosen by one soulmate. WINNING makes me uncomfortable. i feel sorry for the losers. but when in a competition, i still try to win. why? and besides that why does any one person have to win, anyway? i like team winning stuff though. and i dont think there are any winners in a war or a fight.
oh dear, i think my slip might be showing 
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fluffykerfuffle
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